We Look Good in HD

Here is a fun way for all you far away to see my big growing belly. This is me at 34 weeks. But the real exciting news is--the picture was taken with our new fancy camera. Happy Birthday to Me!! And really, don't we look good in HD?

I mean, look how cool the sky looks behind Ry! So crystal clear! I'm loving it. Now I just need to figure out how to use all the fun features! More to come for sure!

Angel Watch

I came across this article about Angel Watch, a program that helps families that have to go through hard times like us. It was really good to hear what other people are doing and to see that other people go through times like this and are able to move on. Although, I can say I probably shouldn't have read it at work in the hospital because that is not where you want to let the tears run down your face freely. But I read it again when I got home, no worries, to get that therapeutic effect.

A few of the quotes really hit me and said what I was feeling, thinking, going through so much better than I could ever say them. So I thought I'd share a little of what goes through my head these days.

"love this baby into the world." One of my favorite things to do it to tell our baby that we love her and that she is the most important thing to us. That way, I know she knows. I need her to know.

This does not have to be the most traumatic experience in a couple's life together. Often a husband and wife will grow closer together, and the father is also given a chance to bond with the child he can't see. Second favorite is when Ryan feels her move. It is funny because a lot of times when I'm with other people, she doesn't want to move around much and be felt, but when Ryan puts his hand on my huge tummy, she flips, kicks, moves all around freely. I think she knows that is her dad out there. She loves him.

But what Angel Watch tries to do is to re-frame what a miracle is: not a cure, perhaps, but maybe a live birth, and if not a live birth at least a chance to create memories and to learn, for example, what music made the baby kick in the womb. It has been a miracle that our little girl has been inside of me for so long. The last time we saw the genetic counselor was in March and even then she said, "It's remarkable that she has made it this far." And yet, here we are at 35 weeks-my belly bigger than ever and my baby as active as ever. That to me is a miracle. That we get to feel her and get to know her because she is ours forever.

"We learned that through really hard times, there is a way to be happy, to love the seconds you have of happiness and joy." There are sad times, but there are so many happy times. Like when we saw her on the Ultrasound and she had the hiccups. I laughed pretty hard about that. To look up at the screen and see her little diaphragm going up and down while feeling the little twitch of hiccups inside of me. It made me truly happy. I love when I put my hand on the part of my belly where I know her feet are and I feel her foot scrape across my hand. It makes me happy because I realize there is my child inside of me and she has these cute little feet that one day I get to hold and kiss and love. And that makes me happy (I swear, I'm happy even though it brings tears to my eyes). We have to find happiness in this time because to not is dumb. I want my baby to hear me laugh and to feel me smile; not only know the sound of my cry and the feeling of sadness. She deserves a smile and laughter for all of her life. So for her and because of her I still smile and laugh and love life.

Our baby girl is getting so close to coming out to meet us and a part of me is terrified. I tell her she can stay in there forever if she needs to (even though the swollen ankles and tired feet say otherwise). I would do anything for her and I know she knows that we love her a lot. She is one lucky baby to have so much love around her.

How Could You Not Go to California for THIS!!

She is so adorable it kills me to leave her! But it was fun to see her while I could! Love you Cade!

She loved sporting my glasses and I love the look she is giving me in this picture, like, "What are you looking at?" haha.

Lookin' good!

I Have the Best Mom Ever

Ya, those are my new shoes on my feet. She really does love me. Thanks Mom! This deserves another look. So beautiful!

Lately...

Here are some random pictures of our life of late.

We got an email the other day inviting us to a new graduate alumni pre-game cookout. We had J-Dawgs on the lawn and soaked up some sun. It was a pretty awesome day and we do love our baseball games. Not sure if the Cougars won because we left a little early, but that's okay. Here we are eating our hotdogs before the game.

Ryan eating in the shade because he hates the sun. Or, as he says, the sun hates him.

Ben and Shalon (Ryan's brother and wife) came to town to see us and so we went wandering around Thanksgiving Point-only to find out there was a sheep festival. We saw sheep, goats, horses, cows, a mini pony (it was tiny), and a lot of other animals. Here is Ryan feeding the baby goat corn. Ryan's birthday is coming up and so we of course got our yearly Tucano's Birthday Postcard. We headed to Tucanos with Ry's brothers and we pigged out on a lot of meat. Too much meat for most of us and really just too much grilled pineapple for me(seriously it is delicious). Everyone was making fun of me because when the pineapple came around I would take like 5 each time and everyone else took like 1. What can I say, I love that pineapple! Notice that in the first picture, I have never looked more pregnant. I think the amount of food I ate took up just as much room as the baby in there! Oh, we were full. After the feast. Relaxing and letting the digesting begin.

Dedication

Dedication is when Ryan wants steak for dinner and it's raining outside. Instead of cooking it on the stove, he goes out in the rain and heats up the grill to make his favorite meal. Incredible dedication and loyalty. It's admirable, really!

Remember These?

I've been wanting a pair of these lately. The problem is, I think I have to go to California to get them because when we told the lady at Nordstrom here in Utah that we wanted Jack Purcells, she said, "What? I've never heard of those." Shucks, I guess California it is!

Dextrose

"You have to finish this within 5 minutes."
"What happens if I throw up during or directly after I drink it?"

Ok, so I didn't really ask them this question but I was wondering it the entire time I was drinking this fantastic little Cocktail they gave me at the hospital today. 50g of straight sugary grossness. I feel like they should hand you an orange soda and it would have the same effect and be 100 times better tasting and wouldn't make me as sick. I'll put it in the suggestion box and see what they say.

In other news, baby is doing great. Heart rate is normal. Measuring normal size. My belly feels greater than normal size but people promise me it doesn't look it (or they are just being nice). I feel her move all the time now and other people can feel her kick too now. Its fun to feel her move all about. Sometimes I think she may be doing somersaults or perhaps looking for a way out. We tell her often that she has to stay in there for at least 10 more weeks... We'll see how obedient she is.

I've been feeling awfully tired lately. Not sure if that is an effect of the pregnancy or the repurcusions of doing 3 night shifts last week. Either way, I feel like I could sleep forever. I try really hard to not let myself be that lazy, but it is getting kinda hard to not sleep in till 11 when I don't have work. It just makes getting up at 5 harder on days I do have to work.

Oh ya, work... I haven't posted anything about my working life since I announced I actually got the job. Work is... well work, but it is good. I usually work 3 shifts a week that are from 6AM-6PM (which really is 6:30-7PM on most nights). This means I am up at 5 (ok, really 5:15) and leave my house by about 5:25 AM. (Which shows you how beautiful I look at work... haha, yes, there is no getting ready on these days). This gets me to the hospital, clocked in and ready for report by 6AM. Physically at least. I don't think I'm mentally ready for report until 10 AM, but that doesn't fly too well with the night nurses. My day consists of lots of running around and doing random things for my patients. Diet coke, Dr. Pepper, Sprite, Diet Coke, Regular Coke no ice, apple juice, oreo cookies... At least sometimes that is how I feel--like a waitress. But no, really. My day starts out with assessments on every patient, taking vital signs, giving medications, charting, reassessing, more charting, more meds, calling doctors, answering doctor's questions (when I can) and hoping to not be yelled at by the doctors. I normally get 3-4 patients and I'm in charge of getting everything done. Up until now, I've been with an orienter who has been there to answer all my questions, catch me up when I'm behind, talk to a doctor for me because my patient is writhing in pain and needs morphine now. But as of this week, tomorrow actually, I'm 100% on my own. I'm slightly worried about this, but also kind of relieved. It will be nice to not have to answer to someone else when I know what I'm doing, but it will be nerve racking to sit there and not know what to do, when I don't know what I'm doing. Good thing the nurses on the floor are really nice and willing to help out most of the time. So, again, work is work, but at least I get to be with nice nurses who are fun and roughly the same age as me so we can chat about all the fun happenings of life. I then come home and my wonderful husband rubs my feel for 30 minutes every night and has dinner ready right as the 30 minutes are up. Ok, not really, but he does seem to know what a good day consists of for me at the hospital. The other day I got this text: "I hope you are having a good day (no admits, cute patients--cute old ladies or kids, and no poop)" Ya, I'd say that is a great day in my book. He knows me well, either that or I complain a little too much. I'm gonna go with he knows me well.

I've been really bad at posting lately. Sorry. I will try a little harder to be a little more exciting.

When Are You Due?

So apparently, my little tummy has been growing more than I thought it had because people keep asking, "When are you due?" or "Are you pregnant?"

The first time it happened, I was amazed. I was in scrubs, which aren't tight and revealing of my little baby bump. I actually thought it did a good job at hiding it, or at the most just making me look a little chubby, but not really pregnant. I was at a Relief Society dinner and a lady in my ward said straight up in the first 2 minutes of me sitting at the table, "Are you pregnant?" Wow, I was totally taken back. I mean, I would never ask a girl that unless she was about to pop. And even then I might want someone else to say it first to know that I wasn't shoving my foot so far down my throat it was never coming back up. I mean, what if I wasn't pregnant? Really? How horrible would that conversation be? Pretty bad. Hats off to her for being so courageous.

The next time it happened was today at lunch. I went up to the cashier to pay for lunch and she said, "Oh, cute, when are you due?" This time I understand a little more because I was wearing regular clothes and you could see that my tummy was disproportionally bigger than the rest of me. But in reality, I still wonder if I really look pregnant or if I just look a little chubby in the middle region? To me, I just look a bit bigger, but I guess that is what pregnancy is right?

The funny thing is that at work, when I'm in my scrubs, no one knows I'm pregnant. Either that or they do know and just haven't asked or anything. But I don't think so, because one person actually asked me if I had kids and then said, "Well, if you work here long enough, you'll be pregnant soon." (The floor I work on is FULL of pregnant people, it's crazy!!) So that has to mean that she couldn't tell I was pregnant. And then I start thinking, so do the people at work just think I'm fat? I mean, they don't really know me pre-pregnant so perhaps they just think this is the norm for me. Perhaps, one day, they will find out and realize that I have an excuse for being fat :)

Easter Baskets

People celebrate holidays differently. For some, Christmas is a fancy holiday where you get dressed up and have a nice dinner. For others, it is a time to never change out of your pajamas and to simply relax all day long. (This is a completely different story all-together for another time).
Easter, however, I thought was pretty simple. The "Easter bunny" (aka whoever is the morning person who can get up early and hide eggs) hides eggs and the others in the house who like sleeping in more get to find the eggs. Easter baskets are enjoyed and Easter dinner is had! However, I realized I might have been wrong about Easter being so simple. I have been reading other people's blogs and realized there are a ton of people who actually hide the Easter basket! I have never heard of such a thing. Who would have thought that you look through the house for a basket full of gifts? Not me. Maybe I have a new tradition for next year...

Baby Gardner

We had another appointment today and got another ultrasound. Everything looks great! It was fun to see her again!

She was moving all over the place during the US. She just cannot keep still. I started feeling her (or realizing that I was feeling her) on Friday, February 26th. I was doing some computer training at work and all the sudden I felt a little movement in my tummy. I was like, "What? I think that was my baby!" Still wasn't 100% sure but later that day I was hanging out on my couch and there she was again! At first I didn't feel her every day, but I think now I feel her almost every day and I love it! It gives me a lot of reassurance to feel her moving all about!

It was a good day, getting to see her. We love her so much! Thanks for your prayers! She appreciates them!! :)

Crafty

I decided to get crafty and start making a quilt for little Baby Girl Gardner. It is really fun quilting. Ryan's mom was here last weekend and she showed me a little of the ropes about quilting since she is the quilter-extraordinaire! Here are pictures of my progress. The first one is about halfway done with the middle section of the blanket. The second is the middle section finished and the first columns on each side (there are 3 more on each side). So I guess the hardest part is over (the middle) or at least I think. But I'm excited to finish it to see what is looks like complete!
Oh, and I have left over girl material so I can make another if you want to have a baby girl (steph...) I'll make you a quilt!

Death by Ranch Averted by Judo Nurse

They say that when you are pregnant that you can have some weird dreams. I don't know if this is true or not, but Andrea has been on quite a streak lately. Por ejemplo:

She recently dreamed that she was in a room when a monster entered with a group of hooligans trying to capture her and others. This greatly disturbed the wonderful time everyone was having picking up items of the floor with their magnetic faces. She escaped to another room with an exit to the outside. But her would-be capturers cleverly set fire to the only exit, impeding her escape. If you know Andrea, however, you know that she can't be stopped from getting her way. The fire didn't stand a chance. She hurled herself through the flames, tucked and rolled on the ground outside and bounced to her feet.

Outside, she found herself surrounded by bad guys, one of whom she started tussling with. He got the upper hand and pressed an unknown weapon into her temple.

Bad Guy: You know what this is?
Andrea: What?
Bad Guy: It's the one substance that you can't get rid of once it's been in contact with you!
Andrea: What is it?
Bad Guy: Ranch Dressing!

With a quick move Andrea reversed him, snagged the bottle, and squirted the dressing in his face! She tried to escape from her sauced subdoer, but he grabbed her in a headlock. Struggling, she heard a random bystander telling her to flip her assailant over her back. She hearkened to the voice of her sideline sensei and stepped into a Harai Goshi, throwing him over her back, and coincidentally, off a nearby cliff.

Taking only a moment to revel in her hip toss, she realized the man was now screaming that his stomach hurt. "Internal bleeding!", she quickly diagnosed. She clambored down the cliff and started pressing on his abdomen. "Does it hurt here?", she asked, "How about now?". She called 911, then started tending to his broken ankle. Another nearby nurse who was also under attack, took a different route: falling in love with an attacker and making out with him instead of helping out.

It ends with the rest of the bad guys catching up, ending their chase when they realize Andrea is helping their friend and has already called 911, and with the random judo master posting a video of the whole thing to YouTube. Given the immediate nursing care the attacker received, I presume his ankle and stomach injuries healed with time. I'm not sure we can say the same about the ranch stain.

New Job!

I hate the job hunt. I hate looking online every day and filling out application after application only to get emails denying me.

I had an interview 2 weeks ago at Timpanogos Regional Medical Center. The interview went really well. They really only asked me like 3 questions and I was pretty hopeful, but the thing is she had so many applicants so I was hesitant. Well, the call came a week later saying she wanted to offer me the job!! So as of next week I will officially be a working RN! How exciting?!?!

The job is part-time for now, but will eventually become full-time because I guess they have a nurse leaving in like a month or so, so I will be taking her hours. It is cool too because there are like 5 of us BYU graduates that got a job on the same floors. Talk about new-grad overload!! The lady said she liked hiring BYU grads but I didn't know she liked it that much! I'm excited to start because I have been a little bored lately. My friends all work and my family is far from me (please move here!). I'll let you know how it goes! Yay for no more job searching!!

First Anniversary

Can't believe that it's been a year! We didn't do very much for our anniversary. I was feeling pretty nauseous and we could NOT figure out a place to go eat because, let's be honest, I can't make a decision where to eat anymore. (Nothing ever sounds good to me these days!) We decided to basically go to the closest place we could find. It ended up being pretty disgusting. haha. Then we ended up going home and simply watching a movie at home until we fell asleep. I know, not a great anniversary, but anything we do together turns out to be okay!
I'm so grateful to be married to Ryan. We've been through a lot together in only a year but it has just made us closer. We've lived in two apartments and two different cities (one state). I have finished school and Ryan has continued working. We have celebrated all holidays together (and let me tell you that it is much more fun to celebrate with a spouse). We found out we are having a baby and have never been happier! We are excited for another year together!